Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
