I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Found the puke drawer
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
