I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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