im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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