Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
