Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
