I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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