the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
