I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
