your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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