I just pynch a tree in the face
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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