I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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