im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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