You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
