I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
