So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
