the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
