Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
