I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
