Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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