it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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