When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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