So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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