Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
how drunk are you?
Several
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize