Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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