So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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