Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
