She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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