Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My dick has a subreddit
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
