; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
