If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
