I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This toilet bowl is my home.
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