He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
