dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
