yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
