rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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