Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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