um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
