Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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