I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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