i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Found your dick twin last night
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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