i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
