there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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