put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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