Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
