areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
