Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
