we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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