can we get nightvision for the apartment?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
