I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
