I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize