Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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