being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
