Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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