We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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