hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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