I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
