Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
