you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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