Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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