wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
