You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
