i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
