How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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