Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
